:: in case you were wondering...
9/14/2007 at 4:41 AM
the posts below are all from a blog i started a while back but struggle to keep current... working in a cubicle 5 days a week isn't exactly "inspiring"
hopefully i'll pick it up again here... there's a plethora of stimulating material here... so here's to hoping *cheers*
hopefully i'll pick it up again here... there's a plethora of stimulating material here... so here's to hoping *cheers*
:: shared dreams?
9/14/2007 at 4:38 AM
I find myself very puzzled today after a very peculiar discussion yesterday.
I went on a first date with a very sweet girl, conversation for us came naturally. Somehow we ended up on the topic of dreams/nightmares. Here’s the kicker… (and if anyone can make a comment on this as to what the hell it means… that would be great)
She described two separate recurring dreams of hers that leave her shaken when she wakes up. Two very different dreams but ones that she has at least once a month. When I heard her describe these dreams I was instantly speechless… they are the SAME TWO recurring dreams I have…. and at right about the same frequency. I have never heard anyone describe anything remotely similar but her dreams are nearly identical. The concepts, underlying themes, actions and consequences within each dream are exactly the same.
What could this possibly mean?? I feel like I’m starring in an episode of The Twilight Zone (queue music now)
:: Vann ::
I went on a first date with a very sweet girl, conversation for us came naturally. Somehow we ended up on the topic of dreams/nightmares. Here’s the kicker… (and if anyone can make a comment on this as to what the hell it means… that would be great)
She described two separate recurring dreams of hers that leave her shaken when she wakes up. Two very different dreams but ones that she has at least once a month. When I heard her describe these dreams I was instantly speechless… they are the SAME TWO recurring dreams I have…. and at right about the same frequency. I have never heard anyone describe anything remotely similar but her dreams are nearly identical. The concepts, underlying themes, actions and consequences within each dream are exactly the same.
What could this possibly mean?? I feel like I’m starring in an episode of The Twilight Zone (queue music now)
:: Vann ::
:: the brink of sanity - trying to find answers
9/14/2007 at 4:38 AM
i’m sitting here listening to music that for some reason is making me reflect deeply upon things.
-- -- -- for reference:: explosions In the sky - all of a sudden i miss everyone
i’m trying to use this in an attempt to make sense of what races through my mind with each passing moment. i cant take hold of any one thought. my mind shouldn’t be this restless at midnight… this can’t be healthy.
how did i get here? where am i going from this point? i want to solve this quandary. the possible answers begin to surface…
i’m an only child. the stepping stone of the independence i exhibit today. the flipside of this happens to be the anti-social, lonely, blissful confusion i experience on a daily basis. how do i cope? i attempt to write music. i used to be an artist, but there’s no time for that now. is there really a lack of time? or is it a lack of passion or creativity? no, the creativity is still there; how else would i be able to produce music? the tools are there. what am i lacking?
motivation.
motivation is a bitch. or, should i say, lack of motivation? i have trouble finding a sense of direction. trouble finding a reason to create value. what is it that i want to accomplish? successful independence. i already have that. but it must be on a much smaller scale than what my desires thirst for. why can i not push myself to reach this?
a lack of support. i’m alone. hell, i am my own support. it’s been that way my entire life. no one else deals with my problems. besides, i wouldn’t want to trouble them anyway.
what do i need? bigger and better? sure, but that’s not what i’m missing. support? sure, that could help, but not for sure. change? yes, that’s it. simple, general, and overwhelmingly vast. the risk is high, but the risk of change is what i crave. the monotony of a daily rut nearly drives me to tears each evening. this is not what i have been bred for. i am destined for greatness… however, the opportunity has not yet shined down. will i be aware when it does?
i hope so.
i want to change my life.
:: Vann ::
-- -- -- for reference:: explosions In the sky - all of a sudden i miss everyone
i’m trying to use this in an attempt to make sense of what races through my mind with each passing moment. i cant take hold of any one thought. my mind shouldn’t be this restless at midnight… this can’t be healthy.
how did i get here? where am i going from this point? i want to solve this quandary. the possible answers begin to surface…
i’m an only child. the stepping stone of the independence i exhibit today. the flipside of this happens to be the anti-social, lonely, blissful confusion i experience on a daily basis. how do i cope? i attempt to write music. i used to be an artist, but there’s no time for that now. is there really a lack of time? or is it a lack of passion or creativity? no, the creativity is still there; how else would i be able to produce music? the tools are there. what am i lacking?
motivation.
motivation is a bitch. or, should i say, lack of motivation? i have trouble finding a sense of direction. trouble finding a reason to create value. what is it that i want to accomplish? successful independence. i already have that. but it must be on a much smaller scale than what my desires thirst for. why can i not push myself to reach this?
a lack of support. i’m alone. hell, i am my own support. it’s been that way my entire life. no one else deals with my problems. besides, i wouldn’t want to trouble them anyway.
what do i need? bigger and better? sure, but that’s not what i’m missing. support? sure, that could help, but not for sure. change? yes, that’s it. simple, general, and overwhelmingly vast. the risk is high, but the risk of change is what i crave. the monotony of a daily rut nearly drives me to tears each evening. this is not what i have been bred for. i am destined for greatness… however, the opportunity has not yet shined down. will i be aware when it does?
i hope so.
i want to change my life.
:: Vann ::
:: theory, advice & observations
9/14/2007 at 4:36 AM
from 3.28.2007
i often come up with theories for different things every now and then with which i manage to impress myself… i’ve never documented any of them though. this blog will be a place for me to jot down anything that comes to mind… and explanations will be as comprehensible as possible. below is a list of topics that i vaguely remember having some theory or unique idea about:
* experiential learning of pain & the pain tolerance that results (headaches)
* pill dependency & today’s society
* de ja vu
* depression as an evolutionary gift
* SMS texting & decline of social sharpness
* weight loss – dieting
* ‘nice guy’ syndrome – will it ever achieve positive results
* does love really exist?
* feigning relationships
* well-rounded character (possible to be too well-rounded?)
* religion (is it possible to believe in God while disproving Him?)
* being well-read
* myspace, facebook & other online social pools
* investing
* what builds character… personal character?
* music & depression
* solitude, loneliness & self-understanding
More topics as well as comprehensive explanation to come…
:: Vann ::
i often come up with theories for different things every now and then with which i manage to impress myself… i’ve never documented any of them though. this blog will be a place for me to jot down anything that comes to mind… and explanations will be as comprehensible as possible. below is a list of topics that i vaguely remember having some theory or unique idea about:
* experiential learning of pain & the pain tolerance that results (headaches)
* pill dependency & today’s society
* de ja vu
* depression as an evolutionary gift
* SMS texting & decline of social sharpness
* weight loss – dieting
* ‘nice guy’ syndrome – will it ever achieve positive results
* does love really exist?
* feigning relationships
* well-rounded character (possible to be too well-rounded?)
* religion (is it possible to believe in God while disproving Him?)
* being well-read
* myspace, facebook & other online social pools
* investing
* what builds character… personal character?
* music & depression
* solitude, loneliness & self-understanding
More topics as well as comprehensive explanation to come…
:: Vann ::
:: sheer boredom leads to more boredom
9/14/2007 at 4:36 AM
from 3.27.2007
bored, bored, bored…
That’s been the theme of my daily routine for the past… who knows how long. i’ve done what i can to embrace music again and for the most part, that is all that keeps me sane these days. i just hope it ultimately takes me somewhere or leads me to something/someone that will have a huge impact on my life. as i said before… i crave change.
i have my hobbies, but i haven't had the same sense of motivation to participate in them lately. i am an art fanatic, but i can’t get myself to sit down and produce new visual art. it’s not to say i haven't been creative… i began writing a new song yesterday that, if i can remember how to build/layer/and progress it properly, should be really great. i’m going to start using this journal for any song ideas or lyrics that may jump into my head… i can’t even begin to count the number of great riffs and lyrics i’ve forgotten by not having any way to write them down on hand. so… cheers to blogging.
i need a muse. someone to inspire my unmotivated ass. even just to get my apartment organized and cleaned up; the most simple of tasks has proved to be a huge chore lately… it’s beginning to get ridiculous. here’s a list of all the things i could possibly do to occupy my time once i am home from work:
* visual art – creating, tweaking, exhibiting
* computer – re-installing necessary apps (recovery from last crash)
* golf – playing, maintaining, selling off excess clubs
* cars – small fixes on my 740: fixes, cleaning & maintenance
* cleaning – laundry, dusting, getting rid of excess clutter (wine bottles)
* organizing – book & magazines, bills & receipts, closet, music area, toiletries
* taxes
i’m sure there are many more things i could list, but i cant think of any more that have any real significance. i’ll be reviewing this list later and hopefully sit down to add to this post.
:: Vann ::
bored, bored, bored…
That’s been the theme of my daily routine for the past… who knows how long. i’ve done what i can to embrace music again and for the most part, that is all that keeps me sane these days. i just hope it ultimately takes me somewhere or leads me to something/someone that will have a huge impact on my life. as i said before… i crave change.
i have my hobbies, but i haven't had the same sense of motivation to participate in them lately. i am an art fanatic, but i can’t get myself to sit down and produce new visual art. it’s not to say i haven't been creative… i began writing a new song yesterday that, if i can remember how to build/layer/and progress it properly, should be really great. i’m going to start using this journal for any song ideas or lyrics that may jump into my head… i can’t even begin to count the number of great riffs and lyrics i’ve forgotten by not having any way to write them down on hand. so… cheers to blogging.
i need a muse. someone to inspire my unmotivated ass. even just to get my apartment organized and cleaned up; the most simple of tasks has proved to be a huge chore lately… it’s beginning to get ridiculous. here’s a list of all the things i could possibly do to occupy my time once i am home from work:
* visual art – creating, tweaking, exhibiting
* computer – re-installing necessary apps (recovery from last crash)
* golf – playing, maintaining, selling off excess clubs
* cars – small fixes on my 740: fixes, cleaning & maintenance
* cleaning – laundry, dusting, getting rid of excess clutter (wine bottles)
* organizing – book & magazines, bills & receipts, closet, music area, toiletries
* taxes
i’m sure there are many more things i could list, but i cant think of any more that have any real significance. i’ll be reviewing this list later and hopefully sit down to add to this post.
:: Vann ::
:: book review :: - millions of women are waiting to meet you
9/13/2007 at 12:49 PM
Last night, I finished reading Sean Thomas’s, “Millions of Women are Waiting to Meet You.” I felt it was definitely worthy of some sort of review, no matter how simple…
Millions of Women are Waiting to Meet You -- Amazon.com
First off, Sean Thomas is a wonderful writer. His ability to use analogies (no matter how far-fetched) and descriptive wording really helps to breathe life into the story presented in this book.
As I'd like to keep this summary brief, here are my key points:
Sean manages to get himself onto some incredibly exciting, yet terribly embarrassing situations from cover-to-cover. Sadly, I only identify with him regarding many of the humiliating scenarios, but I at least I had a bunch of great laughs. All kidding aside, I believe anyone could pick up this book and relate to some portion of it on a decently deep level.
Much of this story hit home for me as, through a huge coincidence, I had just joined an internet dating site before I ever opened the cover of this book to learn what it was really about. After reading this book, I have a completely different idea of what to expect and how to operate when attempting to have success in the "revolution of dating" as Sean loosely terms it.
To be blunt, this is an excellent book. I have never read another book that made me laugh as much as this one... there's even new material I'm sure to use within my group of friends.
Take the plunge, read this great story... laugh a little, wince some more and finally feel gratified as the back cover closes.
:: Vann ::
Millions of Women are Waiting to Meet You -- Amazon.com
First off, Sean Thomas is a wonderful writer. His ability to use analogies (no matter how far-fetched) and descriptive wording really helps to breathe life into the story presented in this book.
As I'd like to keep this summary brief, here are my key points:
Sean manages to get himself onto some incredibly exciting, yet terribly embarrassing situations from cover-to-cover. Sadly, I only identify with him regarding many of the humiliating scenarios, but I at least I had a bunch of great laughs. All kidding aside, I believe anyone could pick up this book and relate to some portion of it on a decently deep level.
Much of this story hit home for me as, through a huge coincidence, I had just joined an internet dating site before I ever opened the cover of this book to learn what it was really about. After reading this book, I have a completely different idea of what to expect and how to operate when attempting to have success in the "revolution of dating" as Sean loosely terms it.
To be blunt, this is an excellent book. I have never read another book that made me laugh as much as this one... there's even new material I'm sure to use within my group of friends.
Take the plunge, read this great story... laugh a little, wince some more and finally feel gratified as the back cover closes.
:: Vann ::