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Thoughts on RNC

9/4/2008 at 10:12 PM

As a seventeen-year-old girl with a dream to make a difference in the world, I closely follow politics and international affairs. Wednesday night, I was watching the Republican National Convention, and I couldn’t help but notice one major flaw in Giuliani and Palin’s speeches. Giuliani asserted, “[McCain] will expand free trade so we can be even more competitive.” Although fierce competition may benefit our American economy, free trade harms the workers in developing countries. They lack health, labor, and educational benefits in addition to having a mere scintilla of pay. Fair trade is what we need to invest in if as Palin stated the reason for politics is “to challenge the status quo, to serve the common good, and to leave this nation better than we found it.” If we want this nation to be “better than we found it’ we need to truly consider the common good and not just the upper class American good. Of course there are flaws in both campaigns, but it is corrupt to preach as an advocate for the common good if your running mate wants to expand free trade; thus, exploiting workers because we Americans want our products and lavish lifestyles.

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Birthday Thoughts

9/1/2008 at 10:08 PM

It's 11:31 pm, and I feel like taking a shower before I turn the big 17. The epic age when I can legally watch R-rated movies (since you know, the jumpiest girl longs to see horror flicks). I get out just in time. It's 11:59pm. My dripping wet hair begins to curl. I look in the mirror. Do I feel older? Yes and no. It's more that I believe that I feel older just like I believe pink lemonade tastes different than yellow lemonade.

I walk to my room, leaving a trail of water behind. The brisk cold air from my AC challenges me and my drying skin and hair. It's kind of like entering the world for the first time. Uncomfortable and cold. That is, until you find solace among family and friends...or in my case until I turn the AC off and jump into my pj's.

I sit in front of my computer screen. I take off my away message. A couple of IMs spring up wishing me a happy birthday. Facebook wall posts. Text messages.

I'm 17.

I'm a year older.

One year away from 18. Four years away from 21. 13 from 30.

I'm excited. I'm ready to live. Instead of dwelling on the past, I'm going to embrace it. Everything is a learning experience. All those times I threw a gutter ball, I was simply warming up. I still may be a gutter queen, but I'm done warming up. I'm ready to really live.

It's time that I take my own advice on issues. It's time that I let my heart be accessed a little easier. It's time for everything. I want this to be my renaissance. It will be. Oh, it will be.

The one thing that I'm truly proud about is my passion. I wind up letting my passion be sovereign over my being. The end result...is happiness. When I believe in something, I make it happen. ...Of course not everything... I'm a chicken when it comes to friendships and relationships =) But for everything else, it gets done.

Happy birthday to me.

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Depth and Honesty

9/1/2008 at 10:07 PM

Depth and honesty are two words that have immense value, yet they are treated as menial overlooked qualities and concepts. However, what constitutes depth? Is it possible for someone to be completely honest? True depth and honesty both correlate to one another and are necessary in order to be somewhat uncontaminated in this polluted world. After reading "Walking Honestly and Finding Our Souls among the Little Ones" by Ronald Rolheiser, I began to contemplate whether I have depth and if I am honest with not just others but myself. I also began to wonder about society and its depth. To generalize, society hinders personality growth, and so do individuals, themselves.





Rolheiser states, "it is not our strengths that give us depth and character but our weaknesses." This is similar to the beloved phrase: "learn from your mistakes." I suppose both ideas are possible and true. But unlike "learn from your mistakes," there is one word that sticks to me in Rolheiser’s concept. That word is "weakness." The word "mistake" usually has a negative connotation, but "weakness" opens a door leading to an abyss of questions and answers only to be sought through honesty and self-realization. The pursuit of accepting a weakness is easier said than done, but shows depth. This is a greater value and a greater connotation than accepting a mistake. A mistake can be anything. Accepting that I made a mistake is equivalent to being a scapegoater. In retrospect, I have yet to fully accept my weaknesses, and I admit that I have brushed things off by considering them simple mistakes. But, I wonder why haven't I been able to accept all of my weaknesses? This is simple, well not really. 
Rolheiser additionally fabricates the idea that "more of us are rendered superficial by our successes than by our failures, more of us are torn apart by our strengths than by our weaknesses." This is evidently true, but to some extent since many people are torn apart due to failures. Then, I wonder what does it really mean to fail. Failures and successes are all based on opinion and comparisons anyway. But getting back to my original point, many people want to seem perfect and want it to look like they have the ideal life. Therefore, what better way to achieve "happiness" than tear someone else down for their true accomplishments and make them feel worthless? This is far from having depth, but I'm sure many people are guilty of it whether gravely hurting someone else or thinking, "wow why is she so good at…" I know that I am not perfect, and I can't be good at everything. I admit that sometimes when I see someone else succeeding in something I may be adequate at, I feel a little insecure and wonder "why her?" but only for a brief second. I have my own talents along with my own weaknesses. I'm unique just like the next person. I'm happy to say that I have come to the point in my life where I am sincerely and honestly happy for others. But, do I have depth? I don't think I have fully reached the level to say that. Can anyone ever?







Although I can honestly say some things, I am not fully honest to others or myself. Don't be misconstrued. I tell people the truth. Being truthful is potent, but similar to a woman Rolheiser talks about, "Often I feel like a hypocrite, I'm so admired and yet there is this other side of me." I've been told that I'm smart, funny, considerate and so on, but it is hard for me to believe that I possess such qualities. There is more to me than what people see. I have insecurities and many flaws. Just like the woman, "I worry about what people would think if they really knew everything about me." I don't have a secret life or anything, but my mind is filled with questions and uncertainties. I refrain from making certain statements, and I refrain from exposing the rest of my inner self. Rather than outwardly lying, I simply don't reveal the full truth. I need to. I have no depth if I don't. I now wonder why I feel so constrained. Society.







Rolheiser ends his article with a tale about the wall-eye pike.* The story stirs great emotion within me, knowing that food was available to the fish, but they gave up because of human trickery. The glass wall became a blockade, symbolizing the available scarcity of affection and desirable needs. Rolheiser questions, "Why are we so debilitated and starving for affection, even as we, and everyone around us, are bursting with desire?" This reminds me of a line in Samuel Taylor Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner." The mariner asserts, "water, water everywhere/Nor any drop to drink." Being on a boat, there is water everywhere, but one cannot drink it because it is contaminated with salt and other elements. This is just like contemporary society. To generalize, people yearn for love and support, yet they do not requite and give off love and support. Contamination encompasses the true entities of hope. Because of this, there is a negative suspicion of pure qualities, and therefore, like the wall-eye pike, people give up and do not return even though everything is present.







If only everyone exposed his or her true and complete selves, the establishment of a human equilibrium could rightfully evolve. Honesty leads to depth. Depth leads to understanding. Understanding leads to acceptance. Acceptance leads to quality love.


• The story of the wall eye pike is paraphrased as follows…
Everyday, at a certain time the fish is fed in his bowl. Scientists decide to put a glass wall between the fish and where his food is normally served. Day after day, the fish swims to the food, but is prevented by the glass wall. Eventually, the scientists take the glass wall away and feed the fish. Sadly, the fish is not fooled once more, and remains in his spot. He does not know that the food is finally available because of the trickery is faced previously. The fish dies.

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Untitled

9/1/2008 at 9:58 PM

The stars glisten
Super Novas scintillate
The world is a miniscule spec
Just like her

She is nothing
Nothing at all
When her soul is encompassed with thoughts about him,
Memories flash before her eyes
A synapse of ideas deluge her mind and heart
As she yearns
She wants him to love her
Love her with his whole heart

His glassy eyes pierces her soul
With a flux of passion that exerts undulating waves of existence
That cannot be entertained by anyone except the two

Melting to the fusion of the two hearts,
She clasps onto the rays of the sun
Heat offers a sensation that causes her to be burned in humiliation
Once assertive and once powerful,
This girl gives into her heart’s desire

Her admiration for him is all but unnoticeable
Whether it be her smile or persona at the mention of him,
She radiates genuine admiration

The thought of unrequital changes the heat of humiliation
Into heat of anguish
She wants more
More him
More love
No more pain
But her tongue can only drip with hope

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Restraining Sentiment

9/1/2008 at 9:56 PM

Restraining Sentiment

Words are burning inside of me
Knives pierce my life-sustaining gateway
The plasmic crimson fluid is sovereign
Can I survive?

My breaths are exponentially quickening
Not enough oxygen in my cranium
Agony
The portal to introspection is contracting
Will I survive?

This conundrum suffocates my identity
I am voiceless
Mere muted mortal
May I survive?

Panting, panting, panting for breath
Muscularity is nihilistic
No dynamism
Gesticulation is nonexistent
How will I survive?

The glassy apertures are exclusive
Peer inside if you have a penchant
For truth
My soma is ambivalent.
Help me survive.

It is not within my restraint to inquire.
Shhh.

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