inky
10/24/2008 at 11:14 PM
I officially have had my tattoo for twenty hours.
YAY!!!!!
its actually this really cute little peace sign on my hip about three inches in diameter and the outline is black.
only one problem that I'm sure anyone who truly knows me will have already guessed just by reading the title of this blog: I did it myself.
with a safety pin that I didnt bother to clean and the ink out of the end of a cut off ballpoint pen that I want to say I sneezed on.
yeeaaaahhhhh.......
well either way I got some form of ink/lead poisoning (according to my friend who happens to be a tattoo artist) that made me retch my brains out for a few minutes today and actually I'm slightly freaking because the possibility that it will get infected over the next few days is LIKE 500%.
as in absolutely positively will get infected I mean c'mon, I've used that safety pin to do dozens of piercings (sadly not all of them were even mine) and after I cut the end of the little ink cylinder thing of the pen (and sneezed on it dont forget) I left it sitting out for like an hour.
I feel stupid as shit and I think I need to tell my mom at some point....
BUT! (aha)
if it DOESNT get infected and I DONT die then my friend (the same one who told me a couple hours beforehand that I would be puking up a tattoo child) said he would go back over it with his gun and make it all hot =]
oh the little wonders of the world (like tattoos.... well at least it was totally amazing for a few hours right?).
XD
YAY!!!!!
its actually this really cute little peace sign on my hip about three inches in diameter and the outline is black.
only one problem that I'm sure anyone who truly knows me will have already guessed just by reading the title of this blog: I did it myself.
with a safety pin that I didnt bother to clean and the ink out of the end of a cut off ballpoint pen that I want to say I sneezed on.
yeeaaaahhhhh.......
well either way I got some form of ink/lead poisoning (according to my friend who happens to be a tattoo artist) that made me retch my brains out for a few minutes today and actually I'm slightly freaking because the possibility that it will get infected over the next few days is LIKE 500%.
as in absolutely positively will get infected I mean c'mon, I've used that safety pin to do dozens of piercings (sadly not all of them were even mine) and after I cut the end of the little ink cylinder thing of the pen (and sneezed on it dont forget) I left it sitting out for like an hour.
I feel stupid as shit and I think I need to tell my mom at some point....
BUT! (aha)
if it DOESNT get infected and I DONT die then my friend (the same one who told me a couple hours beforehand that I would be puking up a tattoo child) said he would go back over it with his gun and make it all hot =]
oh the little wonders of the world (like tattoos.... well at least it was totally amazing for a few hours right?).
XD
advil
10/16/2008 at 11:49 PM
I am officially sick of myself.
and I know I've been working up to this, I mean in general I'm quite an annoying bitch who really has very little regard for other people's feelings but now that its concluded, its hard to believe.
now I know I'm not making shit kind of sense here, I know that everyone gets sick of themselves at some point or another but this is different because I'm not really sick of where I am in life, or what I act like, I'm just sick of myself.
sick of my flaws (cant I get some more interesting ones or at least some funnier and more entertaining ones? really).
sick of my good attributes (so I manipulate people well and find it easy to be charismatic around others. not that great).
sick of my appearance (its bullshit I mean not being down on myself or anything, I'm just sick of looking at myself in the mirror everyday).
and just sick of my ways in general, I think this may be the first time I can honestly turn to myself and say "bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you. you know who you are yeah, but obviously thats not exactly a good thing so FIX THIS SHIT."
idk I'm rambling and am making absolutely no sense even in my own head.
maybe this little bloglet was only to distract myself from the inevitable chemistry essay due in twelve hours but who am I to ask anyways?
basically my bottom line is, I'm just so done with who I'm becoming, I hate what I see when I step out and look back in, no wonder so many people hate me right?
and I know I've been working up to this, I mean in general I'm quite an annoying bitch who really has very little regard for other people's feelings but now that its concluded, its hard to believe.
now I know I'm not making shit kind of sense here, I know that everyone gets sick of themselves at some point or another but this is different because I'm not really sick of where I am in life, or what I act like, I'm just sick of myself.
sick of my flaws (cant I get some more interesting ones or at least some funnier and more entertaining ones? really).
sick of my good attributes (so I manipulate people well and find it easy to be charismatic around others. not that great).
sick of my appearance (its bullshit I mean not being down on myself or anything, I'm just sick of looking at myself in the mirror everyday).
and just sick of my ways in general, I think this may be the first time I can honestly turn to myself and say "bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you. you know who you are yeah, but obviously thats not exactly a good thing so FIX THIS SHIT."
idk I'm rambling and am making absolutely no sense even in my own head.
maybe this little bloglet was only to distract myself from the inevitable chemistry essay due in twelve hours but who am I to ask anyways?
basically my bottom line is, I'm just so done with who I'm becoming, I hate what I see when I step out and look back in, no wonder so many people hate me right?
ambiguity (is that the right word? I sure hope so)
10/12/2008 at 6:26 PM
so here's one for the team considering I rarely feel like typing out how I feel.
basically the purpose of this blog is to explain why I've been so mean/snappy/out of it/ in the eleventh dimension for a couple of weeks now. I'm just really mixed up right now I'm having family issues as well as issues with my friends.
no more elaboration on the family thing, no its not a divorce thats all that needs to be confirmed.
as for my friends, one of my friends that I love to death was getting on my nerves and actually just yesterday we cleared everything up but not even ten minutes after all that everything with my fam got like a million times worse.
lately it's just seemed like very few people actually get me.
one of the people that does actually get me I happen to be in/out of love with. I would easily die and go to hell just to secure his happiness for the rest of eternity. he's learned to read my mind and my actions better than even I can and he's done it in such a short amount of time. But he's also SUCH an asshole (like really) at times and honestly just stresses the fuck out of me, either way out friendship is kind of on hiatus so just that alone makes me want to cry (not that it hasnt already but I consider crying an ongoing thing whether tears are falling or not).
actually he admitted to loving me back and then the next day a whole bunch of shit went down where he almost got arrested (because, even though we havent done anything he's a few good years older than me) and basically after it was all done, he said that he only loved me "at the time" but he doesnt "love me anymore so its whatever."
most heartbreaking thing ever, to be floating on a balloon because someone loves you and then have the balloon popped by the same person.
and then to add to my current evil rant, my BEST friend in the whole fucking world (I would easily also die a long painful death then go to a jelly-like hell for her too) kinda hates him.
like a lot and I really cant blame her because this guy is an asshole (usually he's only nice to me although thats been changing lately) but it just sucks because the two people I would do anything for hate each other.
bleh.
then I feel like a bitch for complaining because other than my friends and family and lackoflovelife, everything is cool: I'm getting letters from Indiana University, SCAD, Dartmouth, the University of Toronto, Harvard, Purdue, and Georgetown but quite honestly, I just want for everthing previously mentioned to get better.
I'm only a sophmore, no college stress til next year but I can still feel guilty for not being more appreciative (not that I dont appreciate the colleges sending me shit).
in the end, I just have a lot of things on my mind and if I've been cold or short with anyone in the past month I just really wanted to apologize.
basically the purpose of this blog is to explain why I've been so mean/snappy/out of it/ in the eleventh dimension for a couple of weeks now. I'm just really mixed up right now I'm having family issues as well as issues with my friends.
no more elaboration on the family thing, no its not a divorce thats all that needs to be confirmed.
as for my friends, one of my friends that I love to death was getting on my nerves and actually just yesterday we cleared everything up but not even ten minutes after all that everything with my fam got like a million times worse.
lately it's just seemed like very few people actually get me.
one of the people that does actually get me I happen to be in/out of love with. I would easily die and go to hell just to secure his happiness for the rest of eternity. he's learned to read my mind and my actions better than even I can and he's done it in such a short amount of time. But he's also SUCH an asshole (like really) at times and honestly just stresses the fuck out of me, either way out friendship is kind of on hiatus so just that alone makes me want to cry (not that it hasnt already but I consider crying an ongoing thing whether tears are falling or not).
actually he admitted to loving me back and then the next day a whole bunch of shit went down where he almost got arrested (because, even though we havent done anything he's a few good years older than me) and basically after it was all done, he said that he only loved me "at the time" but he doesnt "love me anymore so its whatever."
most heartbreaking thing ever, to be floating on a balloon because someone loves you and then have the balloon popped by the same person.
and then to add to my current evil rant, my BEST friend in the whole fucking world (I would easily also die a long painful death then go to a jelly-like hell for her too) kinda hates him.
like a lot and I really cant blame her because this guy is an asshole (usually he's only nice to me although thats been changing lately) but it just sucks because the two people I would do anything for hate each other.
bleh.
then I feel like a bitch for complaining because other than my friends and family and lackoflovelife, everything is cool: I'm getting letters from Indiana University, SCAD, Dartmouth, the University of Toronto, Harvard, Purdue, and Georgetown but quite honestly, I just want for everthing previously mentioned to get better.
I'm only a sophmore, no college stress til next year but I can still feel guilty for not being more appreciative (not that I dont appreciate the colleges sending me shit).
in the end, I just have a lot of things on my mind and if I've been cold or short with anyone in the past month I just really wanted to apologize.
asdfasdfasdfadfhtyjdrt
9/19/2008 at 8:27 PM
so I wrote this huge long blog explaining my current situation, then I got the "Windows cannot display this page."
hit backspace, and the computer was a bitch.
so I'll make it short.
theres this guy who likes me (has said it many times) and whom I like (as I've told him many times) but we're SO wrong for each other.
not personality wise, we get along perfect and he makes me so happy and blahdyblahdyblahdy it makes me sick.
there's another reason that we just absolutely could never ever be together and I swear its going to send me to hell and my head hurts thinking about it. and its a mutual feeling, I'm not the only one being stupid.
but no more elaboration on the wrong-ness of it all, draw your own conclusions.
anyways though, so I just really like this guy to the point where I now owe like two hundred dollars because we text so much and I would do just about anything he says and I miss him SOO much now that I havent seen him for a week (pathetic right?) and my heart beats fast when he hugs me.
I guess I'm just like really confused, most of the guys I've been with I've never really cared about enough to actually think about them too much (horrible) so now that I do care about someone I'm not supposed to care about its just really twisted.
cause he (well he says) gets nervous too and he really likes me and he wants to date me and blahblahblah just wants to make me happy blahblahblah doesnt think anything in the world could make him stop liking me blahblahblah (that was really repetitive and annoying I apologize).
but the thing is, I've heard so many shitty things about him (liar cheater uses girls) but then he seems so sincere. its like I always say do what your gut tells you, and thats exactly what I'm doing but is my gut going to jump out and stab me one of these days???
ugh please help me now that I'm done being a wimpy little teenage girl.
P.S. I miss all of you dearly from five hundred miles away in where-the-hell-excuse-me-road-map, virginia (but actually I love it here its gorgeous)
P.P.S. one more then Im done I promise, my writers block is over!!!!!!!! yay!!! I wrote tons of stuff and I'm going to upload all of it as soon as I get home =]
hit backspace, and the computer was a bitch.
so I'll make it short.
theres this guy who likes me (has said it many times) and whom I like (as I've told him many times) but we're SO wrong for each other.
not personality wise, we get along perfect and he makes me so happy and blahdyblahdyblahdy it makes me sick.
there's another reason that we just absolutely could never ever be together and I swear its going to send me to hell and my head hurts thinking about it. and its a mutual feeling, I'm not the only one being stupid.
but no more elaboration on the wrong-ness of it all, draw your own conclusions.
anyways though, so I just really like this guy to the point where I now owe like two hundred dollars because we text so much and I would do just about anything he says and I miss him SOO much now that I havent seen him for a week (pathetic right?) and my heart beats fast when he hugs me.
I guess I'm just like really confused, most of the guys I've been with I've never really cared about enough to actually think about them too much (horrible) so now that I do care about someone I'm not supposed to care about its just really twisted.
cause he (well he says) gets nervous too and he really likes me and he wants to date me and blahblahblah just wants to make me happy blahblahblah doesnt think anything in the world could make him stop liking me blahblahblah (that was really repetitive and annoying I apologize).
but the thing is, I've heard so many shitty things about him (liar cheater uses girls) but then he seems so sincere. its like I always say do what your gut tells you, and thats exactly what I'm doing but is my gut going to jump out and stab me one of these days???
ugh please help me now that I'm done being a wimpy little teenage girl.
P.S. I miss all of you dearly from five hundred miles away in where-the-hell-excuse-me-road-map, virginia (but actually I love it here its gorgeous)
P.P.S. one more then Im done I promise, my writers block is over!!!!!!!! yay!!! I wrote tons of stuff and I'm going to upload all of it as soon as I get home =]
This is why I write
9/13/2008 at 11:43 AM
hello there I'm currently writing this blog because I saw it on my best friend, elaina's, profile.
and I've been feeling bitter and cheated and like life is screwing me over lately and well, quite honestly, I need to be angsty so read or dont.
All of my life I've been reading and writing, even before I could properly read I could tell you the exact words of any book. I just have a really good memory, which could be considered a good or bad thing depending on the perspective. When I learned to read I thought it was just about the most amazing thing ever and so I read everything.
Harry Potter in First Grade (wow lol I was like crazy about that fandom for about six or seven years).
I think I even read the hobbit for the first time when I was like eight, just because I wanted to.
Basically I'm just trying to say (without sounding stuck up or anything like that) is that my reading level has been higher than the high school scale goes up to since I was in like third or fourth grade.
But anyways back to the point.
Books were always, and still are, a major part of my life and thus it would only make sense that writing would be too.
Writing everything and anything that I could do successfully: my reasearch papers always did good, imagery was always something I used, just basically everything.
I even had good grammar (not that you can tell from this blog I'm much too lazy).
but yeah so in about the sixth grade I figured out music. Like I really started to get it and what its about, and it would only make sense because that was about when I started playing guitar and learning how to read music.
all the lyrics and chord scales and emotions that other people poured out into songs roped me in. I started to separate songs into what they were, the combination of both lyrical beauty and instrumental beauty. I guess that's why most of the things I write are never very long and rarely told in the form that could be anything than a piece of prose.
poetic prose, as I've been told is what I write.
then for a long time it was just music theory; how many chord scales I could learn and when I could use those scales if I was in A dorian, for example. But then I learned that my dad (who was never a big part of my life) played guitar too and did poetry and all other kinds of shit, basically everything that I like.
from then on I think writing is like my escape, the fastest way to get it out and let out the hungry/angry/lonely/tired (pick one lol) feelings about my dad or maybe it's even like a sick and pathetic attempt to be like him.
I dont really know.
I'm rambling.
But in the end, I think the point that I was trying to get at is that I dont know why I write.
Maybe it's because I read, maybe it's because I think it's beautiful, maybe it's because I want something to fit the rhythm of my steel strings, or maybe it's because writing is one of my only connections to the one I dont really know.
either way.
I think the people at the hotel resort are getting mad at me for being a computer hog so I'll be going.
peace =]
and I've been feeling bitter and cheated and like life is screwing me over lately and well, quite honestly, I need to be angsty so read or dont.
All of my life I've been reading and writing, even before I could properly read I could tell you the exact words of any book. I just have a really good memory, which could be considered a good or bad thing depending on the perspective. When I learned to read I thought it was just about the most amazing thing ever and so I read everything.
Harry Potter in First Grade (wow lol I was like crazy about that fandom for about six or seven years).
I think I even read the hobbit for the first time when I was like eight, just because I wanted to.
Basically I'm just trying to say (without sounding stuck up or anything like that) is that my reading level has been higher than the high school scale goes up to since I was in like third or fourth grade.
But anyways back to the point.
Books were always, and still are, a major part of my life and thus it would only make sense that writing would be too.
Writing everything and anything that I could do successfully: my reasearch papers always did good, imagery was always something I used, just basically everything.
I even had good grammar (not that you can tell from this blog I'm much too lazy).
but yeah so in about the sixth grade I figured out music. Like I really started to get it and what its about, and it would only make sense because that was about when I started playing guitar and learning how to read music.
all the lyrics and chord scales and emotions that other people poured out into songs roped me in. I started to separate songs into what they were, the combination of both lyrical beauty and instrumental beauty. I guess that's why most of the things I write are never very long and rarely told in the form that could be anything than a piece of prose.
poetic prose, as I've been told is what I write.
then for a long time it was just music theory; how many chord scales I could learn and when I could use those scales if I was in A dorian, for example. But then I learned that my dad (who was never a big part of my life) played guitar too and did poetry and all other kinds of shit, basically everything that I like.
from then on I think writing is like my escape, the fastest way to get it out and let out the hungry/angry/lonely/tired (pick one lol) feelings about my dad or maybe it's even like a sick and pathetic attempt to be like him.
I dont really know.
I'm rambling.
But in the end, I think the point that I was trying to get at is that I dont know why I write.
Maybe it's because I read, maybe it's because I think it's beautiful, maybe it's because I want something to fit the rhythm of my steel strings, or maybe it's because writing is one of my only connections to the one I dont really know.
either way.
I think the people at the hotel resort are getting mad at me for being a computer hog so I'll be going.
peace =]