Stewboss FAQ (as submitted by our fans)

9/17/2007 at 11:17 PM

1. What the @#$% does "Stewboss" mean?

A "stew" is a slang term for a brothel or flophouse. The stewboss was the right-hand man of the madame. His job was to provide protection to the madame and her boarders, helping to eject unruly patrons as well as settling disputes between the girls and their clients. We find the irony of his occupation both laughable and compelling—defending the honor of those with little or no honor to defend. We also can't help but feel a certain kinship towards the stewboss, given the nature of our own profession—fighting to defend the integrity of music in a business environment where telling the truth and displaying integrity are considered unprofessional and "backwards".

2. When are you coming back to play more shows in (fill in the blank)?

We can't wait to get back to (fill in the blank)! Check our gig listing. If (fill in the blank) isn't on there, check back in about three months.

3. Would you consider coming to (fill in the blank) to play a show?

If you've ever been to some of the places we've played, you'd know that we entertain all offers. We've been places most bands have never heard of. We've been places many people living within a 10-mile radius have never heard of. So, YES, we would consider coming to your podunk little town (like Montreal for instance), so by all means keep inviting us and we will get there at some point.

4. Can I get the lyrics to (fill in the blank)?

The new website will have a lyrics archive with every Stewboss song in it. Feel free to peruse it at your leisure.

5. Are you all really gay or do you just act that way?

Oh, here we go. Well, the fact is, only one of us is really gay and the rest of us just act gay to make him feel more comfortable.

6. So which one of you is really gay?

Listen, a person's sexual orientation is personal to him and we would hope that our fans would respect that fact. We would never "out" a band member, especially since we are all close friends who have learned after years of touring together how important it is to respect each other's privacy. That said it probably wouldn't be any harm to give you a little hint... it's not Gregg, Jano or Luke.

7. What is that little guitar Frank is playing in the "No One" video?

It's actually an electric mandolin made by Rickenbacker. There are very few of them in existence and they have a very distinct sound we just can't get enough of.

8. If you were a soft drink, which one would you be?

All right, let's just say for this little exercise that U2 is Pepsi, The Rolling Stones are Coke and Prince is Grape Ne-Hi. In this situation, we'd be Naked Juice.

9. OK, but who's Dr Pepper?

Um... The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

10. Oh. Then who's 7-Up?

Tupac.

11. What about Red Bull?

We don't know, some metal band. Are we done with this?

12. Who are your favorite bands, musicians and/or influences?

There are far too many to list here. In truth, we are more influenced by each other and life around us than by other music.

13. Do you all have girlfriends?

No. Some of us have wives; some have girl-acquaintances.

14. Can I be a girl-acquaintance?

Are you sure you know what you're asking, sir?

15. Is "Pilgrims and Runaways" ever coming out?

We know, we know. The "Pilgrims and Runaways" recordings have been lingering on for about 3 years now. We've made two full-length albums since starting "Pilgrims and Runaways", but trust us; it'll be done soon.

16. Did you know Brian Wilson said the same thing about "Smile" and it didn't get released for another 20 years?

Yeah, we're aware. "Pilgrims and Runaways" will certainly be available before the close of the decade. We swear.

17. Can you send me a signed photo of the band?

You're cute. OK, for you we'll send one, but don't tell anyone where you got it.

18. Can you send me the chords for (fill in the blank)?

Chords and tablature for many Stewboss songs will be available in the coming months. Please check back soon.

19. Do you guys have day jobs?

Yes. Any musician without a day job is a starving musician. Even Bono has a day job.

20. What? Bono doesn't have a day job!

He works for a non-profit organization called (RED).

21. But he doesn't get PAID for that.

No offense, but you're very naive.

22. So what do you guys do for your day jobs?

We work for a government agency.

23. Is it the CIA?

That's classified information.

24. Is it the FBI?

It's classified.

25. Can you give us a hint?

Ugh... it has three initials.

26. The ATF?

C'mon.

27. No, you c'mon!

Fine, it's the IRS.

28. You guys all work for the Internal Revenue Service?

Every American works for the Internal Revenue Service. Can we move on?

29. OK, where is your favorite place to play a gig?

Anywhere the other three members of Stewboss are playing.

30. No really, it's The Borderline in London isn't it?

It is absolutely NOT The Borderline.

31. What do you think of Britney Spears?

Why do so many of you ask us this question? Do we look like we care what Britney is doing? We think she has a serious case of post partum and Tom Cruise should help her out.

32. Who do you think would win in a fight, Stewboss or Son Volt?

Listen, we're not going to fight Son Volt, we like that band.

33. No but hypothetically, do you think you could take them in a fight?

Yes, but don't be a dick and go running off to send Son Volt a "Stewboss says they can kick your ass" email.

34. OK fine, but what about Stewboss vs. Tegan & Sara?

Tegan and Sara are girls.

35. So?

So they'd beat us to a bloody pulp.

36. You guys are such pussies!!

Yes. Are we done yet?

37. No. Is Borat really a Stewboss fan?

Yes.

38. Have you guys played Kazakhstan?

Yes.

39. Did they pay you?

Yes.

40. Really? With actual money?

You're being rude.

41. Sorry. So, what's your favorite color?

Are you serious?

42. Is it black?

It's periwinkle.

43. That was our next guess!

Hey, good job.

44. If I were to start a band, where would you recommend I start?

At the beginning, with decent instruments, people you love spending time with and great songs.

45. So why aren't you guys HUGE?

We eat right and exercise.

46. No, like why aren't you the biggest band on the planet?

Because we don't have to be.

47. What's wrong with wanting to be famous?

Nothing. Just remember that once you have the desire to be famous, you can never be famous enough.

48. Speaking of wanting to be famous, who was "Fill Station" written about?

One of Gregg's ex-girlfriends. She's no one you know.

49. So is "Joy" really about Nelson Mandela?

It's not about him specifically, just inspired by his story.

50. Did you really write "This Is A Love Song" just for me?

Yes. Enjoy.

0 comments