Work Party Pointers
12/13/2006 at 5:34 PM
With the holidays quickly approaching, holiday work parties will be in full swing in the next couple of days. Since I work in the beverage industry and we supply fun to alcoholics we usually have two ‘Christmas Parties’ because one just isn’t enough to ruin your liver.
The first one is formal with the owners and the entire company at a restaurant blah blah blah and then the second one is at an account with the sales reps and brewery reps. I went to this holiday work party last year and got shit faced and never went back to work. Surprise surprise. That’s what happens when you have a party during office hours.
This year since all the bosses found out about the second party we are having a third party. Booyah! And we can do that since actual work doesn’t ever happen here. This one I’m sure will involve drinking. Oh and probably more drinking. And lying to the bosses. It’s going to be so much fun. I can’t wait. I'll let you know how it goes...
Anyway here are some pointers from my company to you...
A Few Pointers for Your Holiday Work Party
DON’T:
1. Wear a Lampshade and Dance on a Conference Table
2. Photocopy Yourself
3. Walk that Cute Co-Worker to Your Apartment Door
4. Ruin Your Party by Showing up without (our beer) or (more of our beer)*
DO:
1. Wear Comfortable Shoes and Get to the Dance Floor
2. Joke about Photocopying Yourself
3. Walk that Cute Co-Worker to a Cab
4. Light up the Holiday Party with (our beer) or (more of our beer)
Being a beer company you’d think these would be the opposite. Because I don’t know about you but I’m totally wearing a lampshade and photocopying myself at my office work party. I would walk a co-work to my door but they’re all about 50. I’ll pass on the shriveled ween.
*Mostly everyone knows what company I work for but I thought I’d try and not put it out there more than I need too.
If anyone wants a very special Christmas card from me you have until Friday at 4:30 after that I cut off the Christmas magic and it is your loss.
The first one is formal with the owners and the entire company at a restaurant blah blah blah and then the second one is at an account with the sales reps and brewery reps. I went to this holiday work party last year and got shit faced and never went back to work. Surprise surprise. That’s what happens when you have a party during office hours.
This year since all the bosses found out about the second party we are having a third party. Booyah! And we can do that since actual work doesn’t ever happen here. This one I’m sure will involve drinking. Oh and probably more drinking. And lying to the bosses. It’s going to be so much fun. I can’t wait. I'll let you know how it goes...
Anyway here are some pointers from my company to you...
A Few Pointers for Your Holiday Work Party
DON’T:
1. Wear a Lampshade and Dance on a Conference Table
2. Photocopy Yourself
3. Walk that Cute Co-Worker to Your Apartment Door
4. Ruin Your Party by Showing up without (our beer) or (more of our beer)*
DO:
1. Wear Comfortable Shoes and Get to the Dance Floor
2. Joke about Photocopying Yourself
3. Walk that Cute Co-Worker to a Cab
4. Light up the Holiday Party with (our beer) or (more of our beer)
Being a beer company you’d think these would be the opposite. Because I don’t know about you but I’m totally wearing a lampshade and photocopying myself at my office work party. I would walk a co-work to my door but they’re all about 50. I’ll pass on the shriveled ween.
*Mostly everyone knows what company I work for but I thought I’d try and not put it out there more than I need too.
If anyone wants a very special Christmas card from me you have until Friday at 4:30 after that I cut off the Christmas magic and it is your loss.
Just like a revolving door only without all the fingerprints because I don't like when people touch me with their dirty hands.
12/12/2006 at 1:44 PM
Saturday night I learned what a whore feels like or maybe how awful speed dating might be. I haven’t decided yet but I left the bar tired, brain dead, and wanting to sit in a corner and rock myself to sleep.
I’ve been going through a dry spell lately. Usually I’m working on at least 3 guys at one time. At one point I did have some game and would attract people in flocks. I’m not tooting my own horn but I’m pretty much awesome. It’s because I’m so charming and wonderful. The dry spell isn’t a total bad thing though. I’m less crazy and more willing to actually answer my phone. The only problem I’ve run into with the whole dry spell thing is that I’ve become retarded and socially awkward. I’ve lost my ability to have normal conversations about normal things. My normal witty banter has dried up and I have to resort to talking about beer or something equally as boring like myself. I am lame. A lame lame loser.
I was planning on a nice relaxing evening chatting and catching up with Lee unlike last time I went to visit her and puked in my hand. I have a tendency to get slightly out of control. Sue me. The night started off slow and we were enjoying conversation about a wide variety of topics when the subject of dating came up. I’ve had this same conversation with a few people lately and it usually ends with me saying that I’ve been out of the loop for so long that I can’t imagine someone even wanting to date a freak like myself. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m probably going to end up a cat lady.
Stepping up my zero game I made a few awkward eyes at a few fellows and left the rest up to fate. And alcohol. About 10 minutes after the dating conversation I returned from the bathroom to find a frazzled Lee with a stack of messages written on cocktail napkins. Knowing this was going to be prime blogging material I saved the napkins but unfortunately not very well because the bartender threw them away. I’m still bitter. There was some classic stuff on there. Like, “I always buy beer for the prettiest girls in the bar.” The pen was supplied by one of those dark writer indie guys sitting at the bar taking notes on all of his surrounding. I’m hoping to get a check in the mail because I inspired the lead character in his novel. I received this note from the writer... Tell me the truth: was my pen used for good or ill? I responded with the typical answer that I really liked his pen and that I could spend hours in an office supply store looking at paper. I’m surprised I even have friends. The other guys continued to throw napkins and make eyes at us the rest of the night until the one came over chatted with Lee and then petted our hair. She’s in love. I on the other hand was in deep conversation with Pitt Med students who were telling me how Grey’s Anatomy is nothing like real life. I was seriously disappointed.
While all this was happening Wendy Bell, local news reporter on WTAE, sashayed in the bar. At first I didn’t think it was her and was going to yell Wendy Bell but I didn’t want to look like an asshole and I wasn’t that drunk. I let someone else do that for me. I don’t watch the news because I don’t really like to learn things or be depressed so I’ve never really experienced Wendy Bell except on PittGirl's blog but let me say Wendy Bell looks like she’d be totally awesome to drink/hang out with. I came to this conclusion after she belittled two of the Pitt Med students I was talking too. The first time was when she called one of them a weasel and the second time was when she was trying to walk through the crowd and the one kid wouldn’t move and she told him that if he didn’t move she was going to kick his ass and then kick him in the balls. I’m officially in love. It then got absolutely ridiculous when Wendy’s posse and the Pitt Med students almost fought in the bar. That would’ve been a perfect ending to the night. It didn’t happen. I was sad.
By this time I had used up every ounce of funny and interesting in my body and was out of intelligent things to talk about but that didn’t stop the three guys who came up and started talking to me. I talked about water with the first one. Water? What? How do you even talk about water? Don’t ask me because I have no idea. The second, baseball. I spent ten minutes of the conversation defending why I am not a bandwagon Red Sox fan and explaining why I like the Houston Astros. I told him something ridiculous but the real reason is because I used to like saying Moises Alou. Equally ridiculous but say it. It’s fun. The third guy squeezed in the second after the baseball guy left. Like baseball guy had to push past him. I didn’t even get to recollect and laugh at myself for the dumb stuff I had just said. The first thing he said to me was that he had been waiting all night to talk to me but I was constantly surrounded by people. Oh if only the cool kids in high school could see me now. After this guy started talking and told he was a speech pathologist, 30, and knew what he wanted, I basically stopped talking to him and returned to the Med students to make fun of him. He was a persistent bastard and kept poking me in the side. I almost ripped his finger off.
The dream crusher is still in me I just have to coax her out with nights like this.
I’ve been going through a dry spell lately. Usually I’m working on at least 3 guys at one time. At one point I did have some game and would attract people in flocks. I’m not tooting my own horn but I’m pretty much awesome. It’s because I’m so charming and wonderful. The dry spell isn’t a total bad thing though. I’m less crazy and more willing to actually answer my phone. The only problem I’ve run into with the whole dry spell thing is that I’ve become retarded and socially awkward. I’ve lost my ability to have normal conversations about normal things. My normal witty banter has dried up and I have to resort to talking about beer or something equally as boring like myself. I am lame. A lame lame loser.
I was planning on a nice relaxing evening chatting and catching up with Lee unlike last time I went to visit her and puked in my hand. I have a tendency to get slightly out of control. Sue me. The night started off slow and we were enjoying conversation about a wide variety of topics when the subject of dating came up. I’ve had this same conversation with a few people lately and it usually ends with me saying that I’ve been out of the loop for so long that I can’t imagine someone even wanting to date a freak like myself. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m probably going to end up a cat lady.
Stepping up my zero game I made a few awkward eyes at a few fellows and left the rest up to fate. And alcohol. About 10 minutes after the dating conversation I returned from the bathroom to find a frazzled Lee with a stack of messages written on cocktail napkins. Knowing this was going to be prime blogging material I saved the napkins but unfortunately not very well because the bartender threw them away. I’m still bitter. There was some classic stuff on there. Like, “I always buy beer for the prettiest girls in the bar.” The pen was supplied by one of those dark writer indie guys sitting at the bar taking notes on all of his surrounding. I’m hoping to get a check in the mail because I inspired the lead character in his novel. I received this note from the writer... Tell me the truth: was my pen used for good or ill? I responded with the typical answer that I really liked his pen and that I could spend hours in an office supply store looking at paper. I’m surprised I even have friends. The other guys continued to throw napkins and make eyes at us the rest of the night until the one came over chatted with Lee and then petted our hair. She’s in love. I on the other hand was in deep conversation with Pitt Med students who were telling me how Grey’s Anatomy is nothing like real life. I was seriously disappointed.
While all this was happening Wendy Bell, local news reporter on WTAE, sashayed in the bar. At first I didn’t think it was her and was going to yell Wendy Bell but I didn’t want to look like an asshole and I wasn’t that drunk. I let someone else do that for me. I don’t watch the news because I don’t really like to learn things or be depressed so I’ve never really experienced Wendy Bell except on PittGirl's blog but let me say Wendy Bell looks like she’d be totally awesome to drink/hang out with. I came to this conclusion after she belittled two of the Pitt Med students I was talking too. The first time was when she called one of them a weasel and the second time was when she was trying to walk through the crowd and the one kid wouldn’t move and she told him that if he didn’t move she was going to kick his ass and then kick him in the balls. I’m officially in love. It then got absolutely ridiculous when Wendy’s posse and the Pitt Med students almost fought in the bar. That would’ve been a perfect ending to the night. It didn’t happen. I was sad.
By this time I had used up every ounce of funny and interesting in my body and was out of intelligent things to talk about but that didn’t stop the three guys who came up and started talking to me. I talked about water with the first one. Water? What? How do you even talk about water? Don’t ask me because I have no idea. The second, baseball. I spent ten minutes of the conversation defending why I am not a bandwagon Red Sox fan and explaining why I like the Houston Astros. I told him something ridiculous but the real reason is because I used to like saying Moises Alou. Equally ridiculous but say it. It’s fun. The third guy squeezed in the second after the baseball guy left. Like baseball guy had to push past him. I didn’t even get to recollect and laugh at myself for the dumb stuff I had just said. The first thing he said to me was that he had been waiting all night to talk to me but I was constantly surrounded by people. Oh if only the cool kids in high school could see me now. After this guy started talking and told he was a speech pathologist, 30, and knew what he wanted, I basically stopped talking to him and returned to the Med students to make fun of him. He was a persistent bastard and kept poking me in the side. I almost ripped his finger off.
The dream crusher is still in me I just have to coax her out with nights like this.
Archives
12/12/2006 at 1:43 PM
If you go to my blog http://julie_gong.blogspot.com, A BLOG OF A GOOD TIME, you can read all my past posts over the past two years. You have a lot of catching up to do.
